


Strategy, Lollipops and the Cuffing of the Thinking Organ

by Midge03



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 3racha petty thieves, Bikes, Blowjobs, Half the characters are only mentioned, M/M, Oral Sex, Parkour, Robbery, Scary Minho, Stealing, i think, the police hate them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 10:00:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25847719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midge03/pseuds/Midge03
Summary: “Jisung if the world was going to end tomorrow what would you do?”“I’d probably eat biscuits in the bathroom and snort crushed diamonds.”OR: 3RACHA as petty crime committers who are always sucking dick.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han, Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin, Bang Chan/Seo Changbin, Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 103





	Strategy, Lollipops and the Cuffing of the Thinking Organ

**Author's Note:**

> How I wrote this in two days I don’t know.
> 
> (Inspired by The Young Offenders)

“Let’s use the road left off Changbin’s house,” said Chan, throwing the map in his hands down under the warm spotlight and rolling it open, a gnarled lollipop stick stuck on his canine.

“Fucks sake Chan, you think stealing bikes is a joke don’t you?” cried Jisung, standing up from the shabby black sofa in the corner of the room and walking over to the table.

“Well then what do you propose Han?”

“Take the way from round Hyunjin’s place,” said the younger boy, sliding onto a rickety wooden stool next to the table.

”Oh yeah and crash into that nightmare of an obstacle,” said Chan.

“What obstacle?”

“The bloody fifteen feet high wire fence.”

“Pussy. Nothing is an obstacle if it isn’t electrocuted. Just climb it.”

“With a bike? You’re mental.”

“I’ll take Changbin then.”

“By all means. Where the fuck is he anyways.”

“Why? Got bored of my mouth and need a new one to fuck? I’ve sucked you twice today already.” Chan rolled his eyes.

“No dickhead, I’m hungry.”

Right at that moment a large steel door set in the concrete wall opposite where Chan and Jisung were sitting swung open, and in stepped a buff, black clad boy with a cricket bat swinging in one hand and plastic bags in the other.

“Oh thank God,” groaned Chan, rushing forward and taking the food from the boy before he could even step in properly. “It better not be from Seungmin’s.”

“Nah man, Seungmin scares the shit out of me, I ain’t ever going in there again.”

“Changbin I’m telling you he did not put a lizard in your onion rings,” groaned Jisung.

“He did.”

“Not.”

“To be fair though, Bin did steal all his gas cylinders the day before and then spray painted 3RACHA on the bin.” Jisung snapped his head up.

“What? Why would you do that?” Changbin shrugged. “And why didn’t you tell me this? You know we don’t steal from the people we get food from. They’ll poison us.”

“I didn’t tell you ‘cause I knew you’d say that,” sighed Changbin, sitting down on Jisung’s lap and putting his head on his shoulder apologetically. Jisung rubbed his back and sighed in forgiveness before noticing the object in Changbin’s hand.

“Why do you have a cricket bat?”

“Oh this?” said Changbin, looking down at the object still in his hand. “Thought it’d be cool to swing around. Nicked it from that kid down the street.” Jisung threw his head back, looking up at the ceiling.

“Who’s the lamest person in the world?” he sang. 

“Gimme a C,” cried Chan around a mouthful of food, raising his chopsticks to mimic pom-poms. 

“Gimmie an H,” said Jisung. 

“Gimmie a A-N-G-B-“ Changbin reached forward and clapped a hand on Chan’s mouth before he could finish. The shift on Jisung’s lap made the younger boy hiss and he bit his lip.

“Yeah yeah I get it guys thanks,” said Changbin, unaware. Chan poked Changbin with his chopstick.

“Ow fuck,” winced the boy, grabbing his hip. Chan ignored him. Jisung tried to ignore him.

“It’s baseball bats you swing around not cricket ones dumbass,” Chan said, swallowing.

“Says who? Ain’t our motto “Fuck all?”

“Ah yes, humans and rules,” said Jisung.

“Yes but I thought your role model was Harley Quinn y’know,” interjected Chan. “Fishnets and baseball bats and anticipating murder... Fine, have your cricket bat.” Changbin grinned and turned to the map which had rolled back up, opening it and dropping his bat on the corner to keep it from closing. He inspected it for a few moments before speaking.

“What’s the plan?” he asked.

“Get off my dick?” said Jisung. Changbin turned around, face confused before he realised what had happened. He grinned and swivelled his hips, and Jisung groaned and grabbed his waist, trying to still him. Changbin continued to move however, leaning forward and pressing open mouthed kisses along Jisung’s salty neck. He then reached a hand down and started unbuckling the younger boy’s pants, palming intermittently as Jisung’s dick filled out.

For a moment there was only the sound of Chan chewing and the other two breathing, but then Changbin dropped to his knees with a thud and unzipped the fly. Jisung grabbed Changbin’s black hair as the elder pulled his semi out of his underwear and started to pump it. Jisung let out a hiss when Changbin wrapped his lips around the tip.

“He asked what the plan was Jisung,” said Chan, barely paying attention to the two.

“Oh yeah,” said Jisung. “It’s get in, grab the bikes, jump over that new fence they added last week so they could- fuck- pay the security guards less and hog the money, and run.”

“Jisung it’s a good thing for us that the guards were dismissed please remember that,” said Chan, his chewing slowing down.

“The city council is shit.”

“Wait how are we getting the bikes through?” said Changbin, lifting his head. His lips were already red and wet and glistening.

“We pulley them.” A moments silence. Then:

“Dude that’s mad, there’s no solid fulcrum.”

“Exactly,” said Chan, strengthening his argument by spraying rice molecules everywhere.

“No but I have a plan,” insisted Jisung. Chan and Changbin looked at him incredulously. “And I swear it’ll work this time. No going home covered in yellow paint I promise.”

“Fucking swear?” asked Changbin.

“Yes now suck my dick before I make you.”

•••

“I feel seriously bad for that guy who has to courier my mum’s organic grocery from an hour away.”

“And you think the opposite of that lifestyle is sitting next to a dumpster and drinking Monster,” said Chan. Jisung scowled, crushing the empty can and chucking it away.

“Stolen Monster,” he huffed.

“And how long do we have to wait here? It’s fucking cold.” Chan emphasised his point by rubbing his gloved hands together.

“Until old Mrs Min hangs up her washing. She settles down for tea after that so no fussing on the roof.” There was a pregnant pause. Changbin opened his mouth but Jisung managed to get in the way first. “My mum made me spend Saturdays with her last year for community goodness okay? I don’t fuck random old ladies, I’m not a creep.” Changbin closed his mouth. Another silence.

“Can’t her routine have changed over the last year?” asked Chan.

“She’s old. Old people don’t change their routines,” said Jisung. Another silence.

“Jisung if the world was going to end tomorrow what would you do?” asked Changbin. Jisung thought about it for a moment.

“I’d probably eat biscuits in the bathroom and snort crushed diamonds.”

“I was gonna say that blonde girl who works at the bakery but okay,” said Changbin.

“She’s outta your league Bin,” said Chan.

“Not if I’m wearing leather gloves and I’ve got my bat,” said the boy, raising the said item.

“She’d think you were assaulting her.”

“Not. I’d n-“

“Shut up you twats it’s Mrs Min,” hissed Jisung suddenly, waving in their faces to shut them up. The two boys did, crouching further into the mossy brick wall they were against to make themselves as small as possible. They then turned their heads up, looking at the washing line on the roof of the building shake and sag for a few minutes and then still.

“She gone?” asked Changbin.

“Let’s find out,” said Jisung, pulling a rope out of his drawstring rucksack, unrolling it and tying a small rock to one end. He then threw it up, lassoing it around the pole the washing line was attached to, and letting the rock reach the ground opposite the metal fence. There was no cry of intruder from the roof so Jisung announced it to be clear.

“Let’s go?” he asked.

“Yep,” said Changbin.

The two boys walked forward, gripping the wires and pulling themselves up, the toes of their ragged shoes fitting into the gaps delicately as Chan stood back and watched. It took a few minutes and quite a few grunts, curses and slips before the two made it to the top, hauling their limbs over the metal frame and dropping all the way to the ground. Jisung was small and light as it was, but it was impressive that the gate hadn’t folded under Changbin’s muscles. But when you do something all the time, you do get good at it.

“Chan, call us if anyone shows up okay? We’re not allowed in this housing area as it is but the police are after me for selling edibles to the middle school kids last week still,” said Jisung as he brushed the grit out of his palms.

“Got it,” said Chan, holding up his flip phone and waving the two off as they ran down the street and turned into another.

•••

It took fifteen minutes of stealthily pulling collars up and hoods down for the boys to arrive at their destination.

“The Lee’s house,” announced Jisung. “Moved in from Australia a month ago and were stupid enough to leave their seven hundred pound bikes unlocked.”

“They’re gorgeous,” said Changbin softly, eyeing the shiny metal and fresh looking tyres and unchipped paint. He reached out with his leg, turning the pedal backwards and gasping as he eyed the chains. “Wow.”

“I know,” said Jisung. “I saw them when I was scaling the roofs here with Jeongin last week. Thought they’d be at least five hundred but when I asked Hyunjin he said he’d give it to me for seven.”

“Fucking hell.”

“Yep. Now let’s grab them quick and run. It’s a race now, pedal fast.”

“You mean we get to ride these things?” said Changbin, eyes wide.

“That’s half the fun,” grinned Jisung, smacking Changbin’s ass.

•••

“That took you guys a while,” said Chan, looking down at his watch as Jisung and Changbin hopped off the bikes, noses red and hair ruffled. “25 and a half, not good for a residential area Jisung.”

“Dude you literally took forty minutes pissing in that backstreet once okay,” retaliated Jisung. Chan pulled a face but still gripped the rope on his side as Changbin tied the back tyre of his bike to the other end of the rope. 

“It’s done Chan, pull,” said Changbin. At the cue, Chan nodded, taking a deep breath and pulling.

Initially the bike swung against the fence as it lifted off the ground, creating a deep and violent clatter which faded into echos. All three boys held their breaths.

“Nothing?” asked Chan.

“We’re good,” said Jisung.

This time it went smoother, Chan pulling and Changbin pushing until the bike was out of reach and Chan’s arms were straining.

“Almost... almost... almost... yesss!” cried Jisung as the bike teetered on the top and fell down back first onto Chan. The boy cried out as the tyre hit his shoulder and then the handles. Changbin cheered too.

“Bike two,” he announced, urging Chan to throw the rope over again. Once he had, after complaining about the lack of sympathy for a bit, Changbin tied that bike up too and the process re started, ending successfully and with Changbin and Jisung climbing back up the fence, elated.

“Let’s get it,” cheered Jisung as he jumped onto the ground, followed by a hoot from Changbin as he thudded on the ground.

“Changbin get on that bike and let’s go, Chan we’ll see you later.”

“Aye,” said Chan, but just as they were about to depart, they heard a voice.

“Who’s that?” it came, frail yet firm.

“Fuck,” said Jisung, freezing.

“Was it you boys being so loud just now?”

“No Mrs Min,” said Jisung, not looking up and the lady looking down from her roof.

“How do you know my name. Wait, is that you Jisung?”

“Shit,” cursed Jisung under his breath.

“We should have just left,” hissed Changbin. “Why didn’t we just cut the fence again by the way?”

“To leave no trail, you know that you prick just shut up. You go Chan, you go,” whispered Jisung to the older boy, who nodded and slowly walked away. “Uh, no it isn’t Jisung Mrs Min,” he said, turning his volume up.

“Yes it is, why are you over here. And those aren’t your bikes, they belong to the nice Australians who just moved in,” she said.

“We-we are the nice Australians,” tried Jisung.

“No you’re not. I’m calling the police Jisung.” That was the wake up call.

“Cycle you dickhead, cycle,” cried Jisung, kicking off and pedalling as if his life depended on it. He heard Changbin skid behind him as he caught up, pedalling with a similar frenzy. Mrs Min had no proof it was them but the police hated the three boys anyhow and would take any chance to arrest them.

Jisung pedalled faster when he heard a siren in the distance.

•••

“We’re outside Seungmin’s,” said Changbin through heavy breaths, scandalised.

“I know,” replied Jisung, hands on his knees.

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“So you’re saying it was an accident?” 

“Yes.”

“And where’s Chan.”

“Safe I hope.”

“It’s your fault if he’s chucked in jail,” said Changbin, pointing a weary finger at Jisung, wincing at the sound of a police car zoom past the alley they were hiding in.

“Hey!” cried the younger boy, straightening his back. “If it weren’t for me we’d be broke.”

“And alive.”

“We’re not dead.”

“We will-“

“Well hello,” came a voice. It was cold and smooth and rather amused sounding. Changbin and Jisung jumped, freezing and letting their argument fall to the ground. They turned around slowly, dreading the worst.

And the worst it was.

Lee Minho; Seungmin’s Sous Chef, or whatever a Sous Chef is for a cheap takeaway place on the corner of the highway. Lee Fucking Terrifying Minho standing in the doorway with a broom and very painful looking fist. Jisung feared him almost as much as Changbin feared Seungmin.

“H-hi,” stuttered Jisung.

“What the fuck are you two doing out at our back door I wonder. Oh, maybe you’re here to steal our gas cylinders again?” he said cynically, cocking his head to the side and advancing forward threateningly, grip tightening on the broom. Jisung walked backwards slowly, putting his hands up in the air.

“No no, I swear,” he said.

“Or maybe to deface our wall with red like you did with our dumpster huh?”

“That wasn’t me I promise,” squeaked Jisung. Changbin seemed to have vanished behind a rotting slab of wood.

“Oh really? Well then tell me what other 3RACHAs roam our-“

“Minho, who’s that?” came a voice from inside, shrill and loud. It was Seungmin. Minho heaved a sigh, turning around.

“Changbin and Jisung,” he yelled back. “Let me fuck them up real quick and I’ll be right back.”

“Excuse me?” came the voice again. “You’ll do no such thing. Bring them inside.” Minho’s eyebrows furrowed as Jisung’s eyes widened and Changbin stood up from behind his hiding place.

“What?” said Minho.

“You heard me dickhead, bring them in.”

“The fuck for?”

“You’ll see.”

•••

“So you’re telling me Seungmin made you two wash all the dishes from the day, cut the veg for tomorrow, mop the floor and clean the windows all without even asking for a dick suck?” laughed Chan from the sofa. Changbin and Jisung groaned, flopping down onto the carpet of their hideout.

“Yes, I offered like twice and I even said I’d make Changbin bottom for him but he wouldn’t budge. And he wouldn’t even let me use the dishwasher. We were there till two and he and Minho just sat there and played chess the whole time.” Chan sniggered again. Changbin was too tired to complain about how Jisung tried to sell him out.

“Sounds like fun man,” he said.

“Oh shut up, you got off easy. Running into Hyunjin and his pickup van. You guys probably made heart eyes at each other the whole time me and Bin were scrubbing and cleaning. My skin has peeled, look.” He shoved his red hand in Chan’s face. Chan pushed it away, wrinkling his nose.

“Yeah yeah I get it.”

“You didn’t get cut though,” said Changbin, pulling down his sleeve to show a long, scabbed over cut on his palm. “It stung so much in the soapy water,” he huffed. There was a silence and the three boys looked over at the two bikes parked in the middle of the room.

“Worth it?” asked Jisung.

“Worth it.”

“Y’know what’ll make it more worth it?” said Chan, a teasing grin on his face.

“What?” said Jisung.

“This,” said Chan, grabbing his crotch. Jisung groaned and turned away.

“Fuck no, I’m done for today.”

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday Binnie baby, I know I’m a day late but I hope you’re living your best life and getting your dick sucked back. Ily
> 
> Twitter: [BinnieBixch](https://mobile.twitter.com/BinnieBixch)  
> CuriousCat: [BinnieBixch](https://curiouscat.me/BinnieBixch)


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